I lost my job on Thursday. I should’ve seen it coming. I’ve been working basically part time hours for the last 3 weeks because my boss’ work schedule wasn’t very heavy. She informed me on Thursday that they will only need someone part time, and I can’t afford to work part time. I’m meeting with the placement agency that I worked with before on Monday morning to start the process all over again.

The past few days have been filled with feeling embarrassed, ashamed, and downright confused as to where God is leading me. I’m trying not to be angry. Times like these are when I start remembering how different my life is from what I planned on it being. I look around and all of my friends have started families of their own. They have successful careers. I’m almost 26, I have a useless degree (until I get my master’s anyway), single…it’s just hard not to get down on yourself, you know?

Maybe my time in Nashville has come to an end. Maybe I need a change of scenery, at least for a little while. I’m going to start broadening the job search and just getting my resume out there. Who knows? I’m may stay in Nashville, or maybe this is the beginning of a relocation and new chapter for me. Please just keep me in your prayers. I want to do what’s right. It’s easy for me to wait for the “comfortable” thing and take a job here in Nashville. But maybe it’s time for me to do something uncomfortable.

I’ve spent the last few days in the place that I consider home. I haven’t lived here in over 9 years, but THIS is home for me. This is where I grew up. I spent my childhood here. My first friends, my first fights, my first day of school. It all happened here.

When I pass the 2 elementary schools I went to, they seem so small now. But I can point out places that still stand out in my memory. Singing “Straight Up” by Paula Abdul with Emilee while waiting in the car rider line, realizing that I wasn’t athletic AT ALL during Field Day, and having my first solo (Love Can Build A Bridge–the Judds) during an end of the year program.

My middle school where my baby fat FINALLY started to melt away and leave new curves behind. When I began to really notice boys. The grunge phase–wearing my papaw’s old flannel shirts, chunky shoes, and parting my stringy hair right down the middle (much to the dismay of my momma). Watching Channel 1 News (Anderson Cooper was hot even then), and learning the Macarena. Anne and I would write notes to each other all day long and then spend lunch rehashing what we had already told each other. I got my first yearbook in 6th grade and thought I was so cool! Oh, and the school dances. Wow. There was always the rush of dancing a slow dance with the guy you were crushing on. Crushes seemed so much more exciting after school hours!

Then there was high school. My first boyfriend, and then my first love. My first taste of that feeling that made you uncomfortable and excited and nervous and giddy all at once. He took me by surprise, and to this day I haven’t been with anyone who cared more about me than he did. Short talks in the hall between classes and kisses goodbye, hours on the phone each night, and making memories on uneventful days.

Then we moved. Looking back now, I know it was for the best, and my life would be so different if things hadn’t worked out this way. But it happened so suddenly and I don’t think I really processed it all at the time. Today, I drive around this town and I see memories everywhere. The town has changed plenty since I last lived here, and I know it will continue to do so. But it will always hold some comfort for me. I grew up here. I’m at peace here.

I’m a big fan of both The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report. I set my DVR to record both of them each night. I love politics and I love humor, so putting the two together is a no brainer. Yes, before you start I do know that Jon Stewart has some very liberal ideas, and no I don’t agree with everything said on either show, but I love how dead on most of it is.

Tonight’s episode (Tuesday night) of the Daily Show bothered me a bit. Maybe bothered isn’t the right word–offended maybe? Anyway, Tuesday’s guest was Bill Maher. Maher and the director of Borat, Larry Charles have gotten together and made a movie titled Religulous–a combination of the words Religion and Rediculous. And that’s exactly what Maher sets out to prove in this movie, that religion is ridiculous. No religion is safe either–Judiasm, Islam, Christianity–they all come under fire.

Maher explained to Stewart tonight that his opinion is that if you look closely at the stories or the “myths” behind each faith, they all sound ridiculous. He then proceeded to bash Christianity by making fun of the story of Jesus’ birth and death. After he told the story in a mocking tone he stated that the story was just ridiculous. He then proceeded to bash Sarah Palin and talked about how scary it was that someone who believes the Bible literally would be one step from the White House.

Now I’m not a big Sarah Palin fan, but even I was offended by everything Maher was saying. Maher said at the end of the interview that he wasn’t saying there was no God because no one could prove that. He was just asking questions and revealing that most people of faith didn’t know why they believed what they believed. It just reaffirmed Christians need to be educated Christians. Apologetics is important. We can’t always fall back on “I just believe because I believe…that’s faith”.

If you want to read an interview with Maher and Charles you can read it here.

As of today, I officially have a new job! I will be a nanny for two adorable kids…a 2 year old boy and a 10 month old little girl! They are so precious and I am thrilled! My first day will be Monday October 6th. Thanks so much for all of you who have checked up on me and prayed for me!

I just had a really great job interview! I’m going back tomorrow to meet the kids and we’ll see where it goes from there! YAY!!! It never ceases to amaze me at how God takes care of me always!

Today I’m longing more and more for a child of my own. My heart rejoices for the people I know that are adopting, but at the same time I long to adopt my own child. I have never felt anything so strongly before. If I don’t know anything else, I know that God wants me to adopt some day. I just wish that some day were today. I know the timing isn’t right, and I would never want to bring a child into my life while I’m still so unstable financially. But nights like tonight I just dream of my little boy or girl that I will bring home one day. I pray that when the time is right I will know it and trust God’s leading.

Seven years ago today I was a freshman at FWBBC. It was a Tuesday morning and I had Freshman Orientation at 8:00—SNORE! I’m sorry, but to this day I STILL consider it the most pointless class I had to pay for in college.

That morning I decided to sleep in and skip class. I needed to get over to the student center early to buy a book in the bookstore and check my mailbox. I didn’t have a 9:00 class, but chapel was at 10:00. I woke up a few minutes before 8 that morning and jumped in the shower. Like each morning, I turned on the radio while I was getting ready. I heard the local DJ’s talking about a plane crashing into a building…I didn’t hear which building. I immediately ran to my window to see if I could see smoke or anything coming from the downtown area, thinking they were talking about a situation here in Nashville. About that time I heard them say another plane crashed…into the World Trade Center. I was in shock. I sat on the edge of my bed and just listened for what felt like hours.

Soon I jumped up and started speeding through my getting ready process. Before I walked out of my room to go to the student center, I heard that a plane had hit the Pentagon. What was going on? I was freaking out on the inside while trying to remain calm on the outside. When I got to the student center, a projector had been set up in the auditorium with live television feed. We all sat there in stunned silence watching the twin towers burn. One friend sat to my right with his arm around my shoulder, while another sat in front of me reaching back to hold my hand. We were all in shock. Then, the south tower fell. I wanted to scream. Minutes later, the north tower fell as well. These two incredible symbols of capitalism had vanished and our country was changed forever.

My dad had just decided to go full time with the National Guard and was scheduled to be deployed to Bosnia two days later. I tried desperately to call him, but the cell phone lines were blocked. I finally reached him and he told me they were on lock down and he didn’t know what the plans were at that time.

My church, like so many others, held a prayer vigil that night. I didn’t have a car at the time, but a good friend offered me his car so I could go. I remember filling up his gas tank on the way home that night because we were all so sure that gas would be $6.00 a gallon by the next day. There was talk of reinstating the draft, and I remember being so scared for my friends and the guy I was dating at the time. I remember the eerie calm of NOT hearing any planes flying overhead, and then a few weeks later the disease of hearing them.  We had a prayer vigil at school that night as well. We all cried together and prayed together.

I’m not trying to bring anyone down by writing this. I just don’t ever want to forget that day. The day that everything else stopped. There was no pettiness. Everything else seemed so small. All that mattered was how you could help your fellow man. I wish we still had that.

I just heard that 18% of Hillary Clinton supporters have now decided to vote McCain/Palin in November because of Sarah Palin. Here’s my question: Why would women who wholeheartedly supported what Hillary Clinton stands for switch their votes to someone who stands on the OPPOSITE side of the issues? Come on women! Have the guts to vote for issues! And trust that EVENTUALLY our country can/will elect a woman president and don’t give up on the issues to see it happen faster. Just my opinion.

Being unemployed is BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please, please, please someone call me!

Just watched the new show “Fringe”. My interest was peaked by Joshua Jackson’s return to TV. For all of you who don’t know–Joshua Jackson played Pacey on Dawson’s Creek. That is when my high school crush began. Anyway, the show is…interesting. I’m still trying to decide whether or not I want to watch it next week.

I miss having real friends.

I wish I could fast forward life about 3 years.

I’m ready to go to Tanzania and see Khadija. Hopefully I’ll get to go on the next Compassion trip.

My apartment NEEDS to be cleaned. Good thing I’m unemployed.

I FINALLY found Bridget Jones’ Diary on sale today. I already had the sequel, but I hadn’t been able to find the original. I’m so pumped!

Did I tell you how happy I am that I finally have internet??? Because I AM!!!!

Enough randomness for one evening! Good night all!

Hello blog world! Sorry for the long absence! As I mentioned previously, I have left my job at RHP. I am feeling more at peace now than I have in a long time. Not that I don’t miss my friends there, but I know that I’m doing what I need to be doing right now. I am currently looking into becoming a nanny. I will be meeting with a few families here in the next week or so and will hopefully have a position soon! I’m so excited!

In other good news, I FINALLY have internet at home!!!! Yay! So I’ll be able to blog much more often. YOU may not be excited about that, but I sure am! More to come soon!